Another Russian Bajillionaire is looking to take over an EPL squad, as a firm owned by a guy named Alisher Usmanov(ich?) has reportedly bought another 14.5% of the remaining Arsenal shares. That’s right Gunner fans, your club is about to be 100% Russian Mafia controlled! If this takeover goes through, Emirates Stadium and Stamford Bridge will likely join forces and transform into giant black holes of evil which suck everything in their path, which is bad news for Fulham supporters. For the non-EPL initiated, Stamford Bridge is Chelsea’s home stadium. It hosts football matches in the EPL, FA Cup, and the Champions League. Occasionally, it also hosts grass.

So in the last couple of years, we’ve see Henry, Pires, shareholders, and Highbury all go down the drain. Essentially, Arsenal is transforming from a French team into a Russian team. They’re lucky to be holding on to the #4 ranking right now, since rivals Tottenham decided to destroy their season right off the bat. Still, I think there’s an outside chance that Arsenal might be on the road to a UEFA Cup berth this season, ha ha har.

Hard to ignore the fact that Roy Keane will be facing his former club this weekend, though the whole story seems a little over-hyped to me. There was tension when he unexpectedly left the club a couple years ago, but it’ll be tough for United fans to get riled up about Sunderland. Those who do will probably get to witness a 3-1 drubbing by the Red Devils. For Fantasy purposes, I’m pulling for two Tevez goals, a Nani goal, and one from Chopra either 10 minutes in or in garbage time. After the third United goal, expect Keane to run over to the United bench and attempt a “hard but fair” tackle on Sir Alex. Then the ghost of Cantona will throw a shoe in an unsuspecting Sunderland fan’s face.

Speaking of getting shoed in the face, the LA Galaxy are “fucked,” according to manager* Frank Yallop. After the defeat to Pikachu in the SuperLiga final, the usually mild-mannered Englishman dropped four f-bombs in the postgame press conference, which indicates that he knows he doesn’t have a job any more. Though Lalas probably deserves the sack more than Yallop, I still have to question Yallop’s commitment to the team. His frustrations are causing him to make quick, rash, uninformed decisions with lineups and substitutions. And I don’t understand why he’s had such a hard time explaining the concept of one-touch passing to his team.

Unfortunately, all the Klinsi talk could possibly just be fabricated rumors designed to give us hope. Fox Soccer Channel incorrectly leaked the story about Yallop’s (then) imminent firing, and Frank still has control of the team for the time being. It appears that he’ll still be at the helm for Saturday’s laugh-fest against Real Salt Lake.

The rest of this year should really be focused on re-building. One thing I can tell you for certain, the Galaxy need to ditch Buddle, Gordon, Vagenas, and Veris right away. Martino can only stay if he learns how to beat defenders one-on-one. He also needs to put the ball on target more often than once every five games. Pavon is the other huge question mark. He’s used to playing with a whole bunch of forwards in the box with him, which explains why he lets a lot of balls pass him and tries a lot of heel-flicks, etc. He’s painfully slow, however, but he does seem to do well in the air. If the Galaxy abandon their current 4-4-Donovan-1 formation and go with a more aggressive 4-4-2 (good God we need Klinsmann), Pavon might be able to keep a spot.

Beckham’s injury is more of a blessing than a curse, as this will force him to rest that damned ankle until it’s healed properly, or as he likes to say, “until it’s right.” Hopefully the knee damage isn’t too extensive and won’t limit his mobility for the rest of his career. Hate to say it, but the guy is getting old. Stuff just doesn’t heal the same way when you’re past age 30…

Oh, and the Champions League draw was today. AC Milan get a free pass to the knockout round, United fans need to sign safety waivers before attending Roma games, and Liverpool whine about getting a tough draw. More on this later.

*for now